I’m such a selfish person.

When i’m around you, my mind goes blank. I can’t think of anything to say to you. I feel stupid and pathetic.

You’ve been through so much more than i have, and you’re a happy optimistic person. I feel cold and bitter and incapable of happiness, like something’s always there in my head to taint my happiness.

You said you love me, you like being with me, but there is room to grow. Was that a hint? I think it was.

And you’re absolutely right. I need to kick it up a notch, i need to take action and i need to grow up.
I need to live up to my side of the relationship.

When we say i love you’s, you say you love me more. When i say thats impossible, you say prove it.
I can’t even think of how i would. How would i show my love to you? And i don’t mean through sex…

I feel so selfish. I’m too passive, too submissive. I know that i am, i can see it. But i don’t know how to break out of it, how to take the initiative.
I guess i worry too much. Over analyze. Over think.

I do love you. Please be patient with me. I am going to try. Even if it’s hard for me.

I wish you could somehow know this without me having to tell you, because explaining it is so difficult.
But please know that i’m not purposefully holding anything back from you, i’m not lying to you or deceiving you.