I am a repeat offender for getting into bad relationships. My first boyfriend was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive. This experience left me bitter, cynical, full of survivors guilt, and a lot of self-image issues. I couldn't be touched. I had 2 sexual encounters and each time I felt I had to sleep with them lest I would be harmed. I cried both times. A year later…a miracle happened. I met someone who is perfect for me and we fell in love. This man is everything that I've wanted. He is handsome, bright, funny, loving, strong, and the most attentive lover I've ever experienced. He cooks, listens to my hysterics, cleans all my messes and dotes on me like royalty. Everything was going well until reality hit…he was an addict. Not just any addict but a heroin addict. I knew of his past addiction but within a month of us dating he relapsed. And lied about it. And what did I know about heroin users? None of my friends had this sort of problem except for alcohol or cocaine. I was suspicious, yes, but despite his use he was never unkind to me and continued to treat me like a queen. But things went awry. Shit went missing and I knew he had to go. I begged him to leave though he denied ever using and I was still in denial myself. So he went on a bus to see his family in another state. His mother had died and that was his reason to go when really he was sobering up. 2 weeks after he left he called to say he was alive. 2 weeks after that he confessed. By that time I already knew and prepared myself. He had lied to me. How could I continue to love someone if they lied? Yet, despite my anger and his flaws I knew and still know he is a good man. A troubled but undoubtedly good man. 3 months went by and he was suppose to come home and he couldn't. I decided to see him so I could face him directly with all of my fears and anguish of us continuing being together. When I saw him, every negative feeling melted away and was replaced with euphoria. I didn't think someone could make me feel so enraptured. My time there was bittersweet nonetheless. I couldn't stay and he couldn't come home with me. I'm not keen on heroin users but from what I saw of him he was not using. He didn't sweat profusely or vomit every hour. He was able to keep an erection and sleep normally. So my assumption is he is better for now. Of course this is something he has to maintain and will never be "cured" of. He is an addict and forever will be. So now…what is the issue? What else must I confess… Not many know what has transpired between my companion and I. Many know of his problems and look at him with disdain. I've lost friends and credibility because of my decision to continue to love him. Some days it feels like a whole army is against me when they don't really know what happened. I also feel everyone must think I am a fool. That I am following the same footsteps as before. As the months go by he still hasn't returned and my patience and will is wearing thin. Yet when the day comes (in 30 days) will he be able to stay true to himself? I require responsibility, honesty, and action. Leaving everything in the hands of fate or the future makes me nervous. What if he fails? What if it just cannot be? If I am ever in need can he provide me with the shoulder to cry on like I have done for him? …Is losing good friends worth the chance of a love that may not last? Love can fade He could fade from me Is it even worth it? My love for him says it can be. But the analytical parts of me are unsure.