Confession

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i hate my mum and dont think i would care if she died

when i was 5 this older boy kept asking me to have sex with him, im male

i get stoned too much

i masterbate too much, im trying to cut down

sometimes i think im straight, sometimes i think im gay, sometimes bi and sometimes i dont fancy either

i feel really lonely and depressed inside but i act like im happy to everyone else

i need to leave this place.
time for a wank i think

I can’t stand my mother. I can’t believe that I am part of her. She is everything that I DON’T want to be, and everything she does, she alienates people, even her own son who hasn’t talked to her in years, and now she’s doing the samn to me and Christ I can’t take this anymore. I swear, if she says one more condescending thing to me, I’m going to cut all of her bed sheets, bleach her clothes, switch her hair dye with orange, scratch all of her CDs, and empty out all of the wine and beer in the house. I can’t stand her, if I have to stay in this house very much longer with her manipulative ways, one of us is going to get hurt. I can get along with everyone but her, but she can’t get along with anyone, not my father or brother or stepfather or grandparents or her friends at work or my stepfather’s children. She can’t get along with anyone! Once I finish college, I’m never going to see her again, I’m going to move away and never call her or write, because that bitch only cares about getting back at my father and my father doesn’t give a damn…She needs to die already, that fat bitch.

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i wanna do mattybar up the bumj with a strap on. f/18

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i love him.

but i have a huge fear of commitment.

half of me just wants to run and hug him and never let go. and half of me wants to run away and pretend i never knew him.

but i do love him.

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You know, sometimes shit happens, you get depressed and you just want to clean yourself up with a shower.

I got to that point and realized I had no clean towels. That’s pretty low, I’ll tell you that.

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I’m so happy with him. I don’t know if it is because of the drugs or because of how much I really like him. But, I think I’m in love.

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cut myself

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199568123

Two of my best friends hate me. One of them is a girl, let’s call her Jessica. She told me that my other best friend, we’ll call him David, was planning a joke with this other guy (let’s call him Mike). Alright so Jessica told me that David and Mike thought it would be funny for Mike to lead me on and flirt with me and then not hook up with me. She knew that I had at one point liked him. I didn’t believe her because I knew that David would never do that to me, he was a perfect friend. So even though I swore to her that I wouldn’t confront David or Mike about it, I did. I asked David if it was true. He promised me that he would never tell Jessica that I said anything. He also said that it wasn’t true and he was shocked that she would make something like that up. I wasn’t about to get mad at Jessica about it because then she’d know that I had said something, so I just let it go. Last night, Mike and I hooked up. I always had told David that I didn’t like Mike and didn’t want to hook up with him. I truly thought that I didn’t. I was driving home at around 10:30, I just got my license a couple days ago, and I got lost. I was on a really narrow street and I was trying to turn around when I backed up into a parked car. I freaked out because the alarm started going off so I drove forward into another car. My parents came and were really nice about it but I was very shaken up. Right when I got home I signed online, still upset about the accident, of course, and I got two IM’s. One from David, one from Jessica. David had found out about Mike and said that after that we couldn’t be friends. I had been fucking him over all year and this was it. He said he couldn’t trust a word I said because I told him I didn’t like Mike. He said it also messed up his friendship with Mike. Jessica had found out that I confronted David about the joke that she made up, so she hates me as well. I lost two of the people closest to me. I found out last night that people think I’m a manipulative bitch. People I thought were my friends don’t like me, people I don’t even know don’t like me. I thought I was going to be friends with Jessica and David forever. I used to cut. I want to start again so badly, but David said that would ruin any chance of us becoming friends again. I take sleeping pills. I really don’t know what’s stopping me from swallowing the whole bottle. Maybe nothing is.

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You can’t have knowledge of God, only faith, and faith is emotional, which is why I chose to not believe in any gods, as it doesn’t seem logical to me. Why assume anything?

Every civilization ever known has had some sort of religion, which points me to the idea that humans are biologically inclined to make gods up to explain stuff. Sorry, but that’s how I see it.

Group Hug