I think I want to hear some balanced perspective..
I want to hear how much she had meant to you, that you had found her pretty, that you loved certain aspects of her personality. I want to know which.
I don’t want to hear that i’m the best. That does nothing for me except for a temporary ego-boost. I don’t want to hear that your family found me to be the best fit. In short, I don’t need the pretty words that are said to each person at each point of your life.
Maybe I want to hear that i’m her replacement. Nearest available girl. Because that was how you were to me. I want the hard facts to ease my mind,don’t you get it?
Or maybe I don’t.Either way it’s toxic knowledge.
But I can’t ask you again.
This will destroy us.
I think that it is cruel of me to remind myself that I had loved someone in a way that no one ever came close to…Such that I feel safe that if you had felt that way for another person, I have my own defense as well.
What a trainwreck.
I should have left the past alone.