I had a dream that KU won the national championship, and even though I’m not a fan I decided to come celebrate on the streets in Lawrence. In the midst of all the hubbub I somehow saw you in the crowd about 10 or 15 feet away from me. Our eyes met… and I smiled.
After the approach you took to leave me, after the lack of answers, after the lack of you wanting to have anything to do with me… the dream me still found it in myself to smile at you.
I’ve been thinking about this dream a lot today. Obviously KU fell short of cutting the nets down, but the dream still has me wondering. If I saw you on the streets in real life, would I have the heart to smile? Would I run up and demand answers on the spot? Would I pretend I didn’t see you or know you?
It’s hard for me to say. It’s hard when 2010 feels like such a waste to me right now. Everything we built up last year evaporated right before my eyes. You untagged / removed the pictures you had of us on Facebook. You speak of being madly in love with your new guy (even three months afterwards). You still don’t find it worth the time to shoot me an email, or write me a quick letter saying “hang in there”.
So much of me has just wanted to pretend we never met and live my life acting like I never knew you. Yet, 2010 showed me that you’re more than worth the muscles used to turn that frown upside down. All the memories we made need not be shoved into the trash bin of my mind. We loved each other, and that’s not a small feat in the least.
Both sides of the coin are sparring for my endorsement right now. Just know that even if I do run into you in real life and I can’t do it, you produced a year’s worth of smiles… and I will never truly forget you for that.