i hate myself so much it is making other people suffer. I’m so tired of it . even when i try every thing turns to dust, regardless of how much i want things to be well. good happy . i just don’t know how to deal with life anymore but i refuse to end it. too stubborn and set in my own ways to see how it really is, what i am really doing. not even just to myself but to those i love as well. i feel like a whiner now but it just keep it all in so that it builds up and eats at my…my soul. no too presumptuous that statement is. i sold that to a dirty hippy years ago. but maybe that’s just it . I’ve lost my train of thought but found a new one re reading these words i have typed seeing the concerns only pertaining to myself I need, I’m tired , i don’t i cant i wont . it has been that way for the longest time now and that is part of the problem i suppose(hey) i dont know how to live when my concerns are not my concerns anymore but our concerns, it has seemed so foreign to me. up until a few years ago i was resigned to live a life of solitude, a perennial bachelor if you will, without all the pomp and circumstance that makes that life appealing. i never have been much of a talker never really feeling like i have belonged anywhere or with anyone. it has always felt like everyone else was on a different wavelength. granted yes there were those who shared a particular moment here and there but everyone always goes away in the end . everyone having there reasons . thats always been one thing i could count on, the fickleness of people as a whole . tiring of a toy and moving on to the next . then again how much fun is a broken toy in the fist place. i just dont want this to end up like everything else has. i want to stay this time. i want us to be happy . to be loved . to be accepted by each other and the world. sorry for the poor punctuation and thank you for listening
