lets start off with a few things…
my father beat my sister when i was younger. i didnt know what was going on until my dad ended up getting arrested for slamming her head into the bathtub one night. my mom was a cop, and if she said she knew this was going on, she would lose her job, so she lied to the other police. at age 9, my father kicked my mother out of our new house in a new town, 6 weeks after we moved there. my sister and father faught even more. my sister almost stabbed him once when he was about to hit her. all i remember is that he would pour a bucket of cold water on her to wake her up, and him getting arrested again another night.
when i was 11, my father left me home alone (in a new house, after my sister moved in with my mother) for 11 hours. i knew where he was, but i was 11 with no internet connection, no friends to be with, and nothing to eat. i moved in with my mother that week. after i moved in with her, she started drinking. she was still a cop, but she became a complete alcoholic. once i hit puberty, i became a bitch. we moved when i was 12 to a new house, and she drank more and more. she ended up getting claustridian deficil (sp) and some other intestinal infection, which hurt, which made her drink more. we often had fights, most of them were fist fights.
at this point, i started having sex. first boyfriend i had it with was a real dink. he treated me like crap, never paid for food (99 cent fries, ooh) and made fun of me all the time. one time, i wanted to go to the teddy bear store, and he grabbed my wrist and twisted it around. first two times i had sex with him i didnt want to do it.
at this point, i start getting into drugs. mostly alcohol, but then pot and pills. i took cough and cold pills constantly. i came into school tripping my nuts off quite a few times. i said i was on a new medication. i ended up ODing on 1500 mg of acetaminophen when i was anorexic. i spent 4 hours in the hospital puking bile while my mother gave me dirty looks.
went out with another dink, but this one beat me and called me “bitch” and “slut” all the time. i had a thing for mowhawks, so i stayed with him. he slapped me across the face in front of all my friends. no one said anything, because i didnt do anything about it. he ended up calling me a cunt over the phone and i dumped him.
i went to a party, drank myself to death. beer bonged and did shots. i slept with a guitarist of a band i was supposed to be in. they wouldnt let me go to their show the next night. i ended up having his miscarriage.
i cheated on every boyfriend i had. every single one. at first, it was just kissing, now its sleeping around. i slept with my best friends brother just to piss her off. she ended up sleeping with my ex.
i lie to guys and say im allergic to latex so i dont use condoms. something about condoms makes the sex worse. ive been on birth control twice. i stopped both without telling my boyfriend.
i used to cut. i still do sometimes, but not as bad. i have scars up and down my arms, legs, and chest. i carved my ex boyfriends initials in my leg when i was 13. i ended up cutting the skin off completely. the scar is white and sticks out.
4 months ago, i met a guy in boston. i always knew he was in his 30s, and i was 15. we talked, and i gave him my number. he called me. i went down and visited him. that night, we drank 2 40s each, and had sex. i stayed at his house for the next 3 days, having sex all day. on the 4th day, his landlord called the police and he got arrested. i had to take STD tests and pregnancy tests. i still have a bruise from when they took all the blood. i heard he is out on bail.
ever since that incident, i slept on the floor. i have a lot of homeless friends, and now one of my friends was in jail. i felt bad for having a bed, so i slept on the floor. i also stopped eating for a while. most boyfriends dont care. they sleep on the floor with me.
i dumped my girlfriend to hang out with her best friend. i ended up having sex with her and 3 other guys. she still thinks i love her. sometimes i think i do too.
i get mad at my mom for drinking, but i steal her alcohol and drink it while on webcam and get blasted. one of my friends got mad i didnt flash my boobs. he later forced me to show my crotch. i blocked him soon after that.
i almost got picked up by 2 internet perverts. one was when i was 13. my friend met a guy online who was supposedly 21, and he moved to our town. we said we were 16 and at the library. he drove there. we lied and said we werent who we were. he had to have been at least 28. the second time was after a linkin park concert, i got this guys screename. we talked, and he said he was drowning pools new lead singer. he wanted me to be in his video. i agreed. i later found out he was 25 and wanted me to have a threesome with him and an 11 year old. i dont talk to him anymore.
i dropped out of summer school in 8th grade to do drugs. i repeated 8th grade. i dropped out of 8th grade when we moved to maine. im going to be repeating it again this year, unless i can somehow get into 9th.
i always wish i want to die, but lately, i wish it a lot more, knowing that i gave up so much for nothing. i lost my job, my education, and my friends to do drugs and have sex. i actually contemplate the best ways to do it sometimes. i have the balls to do it, i just choose not to.
i also wish that my mother was dead, or crash when shes drinking and driving. i dont have the balls to call the police on her, id rather she just die.