This is how my life fell apart.
1. Mom informs me that she’s cheating on my father, then denies that she ever had a boyfriend while still married to my father — Dec 09.
2. Father sends me a freakin’ email telling me to stop talking back to him whenever he orders me around or he’ll slap me across the face — New Year’s Eve 09
3. Mom files for divorce and tells me about it two days before my birthday and one day after I failed half my final exams — Jan 10
4. I finally spill to my friends about what’s happening between my parents (minus the boyfriend). Only one of them is truly there for me — March 10
5. My father decides to treat me like a 5 year old to try and control everything I do — Year of 10 in general
6. I have, at this point, become severely depressed and borderline suicidal with only the thought of my three closest friends keeping me going each day — Summer of 10
7. Tension at home increases when my mom decides to move her boyfriend to live on the West Coast with us, while he originally lived on the East Coast, so he can “find work here” because there’s “nothing there for him where he lives” — Sept 10
8. My father and I make up, but it’s still tense — Dec 10
9. We start looking for places to find housing (for each of my parents) because we’re STILL all living in the same house — Jan 11
10. My grades slip from straight A’s minus one B to straight C’s with a D and a B-; my parents go ballistic and start to wonder why it’s so hard to focus in school. (Gee, I wonder why?) — Feb 11
11. My best friend, and the only one I’ve trusted enough this whole time to be able to talk extensively about this whole thing, who has practically saved my life, asks me to talk to someone else because she has her own problems to deal with. (I get her point of view and I respect that. The problem is that I don’t have anyone else to go to except for her! And now, not even that anymore) — last Monday
12. My long distance boyfriend says he loves me, and I say it too without really meaning it because I don’t know how to love him, and now, except for him, I have no one there for me — this past Saturday
I have been borderline anorexic for the past year; not because of self esteem issues, but because the knot in my stomach doesn’t let me eat anything.
I’ve told my friends all along that I will be there for them no matter what, and they can call me any time they need to talk or something.
I’ve been waiting for at least ONE to say the same to me.
I may sound pathetic, and I know that there’s much worse that could happen, but I’ve been so stressed out that I have not gotten more than 4 hours of sleep per night the past two weeks including weekends.
I’m absolutely worthless. Why do I even try?