I’m about to confess everything… I’ve never done this so here goes…
(to give you a rough idea who I am, I’m a 17 year old junior female in highschool.)
1. When I was 4, I was so jealous of the attention my 2 year old brother was getting that i jumped on him… multiple times and he had to get sent to the hospital. Luckily everything ended up fine but I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.
2. Drinking is my escape and I’m afraid it will be the death of me.
3. I’ve gotten sent to the hospital for drinking with a .36 bac. .4 is declared dead and my “friends” didn’t even know I blacked out even though I said to watch me because I wasn’t feeling okay.
4. I’m 99% sure I have maniac depression…and only one person knows. It’s killing me.
5. I’ve had sex with 4 different guys in the last 6 months/ever. All of them were one night stands, and all of them have left me feeling depressed for at least a week after.
6. Last time I had sex, I was drunk and I went into the restroom, locked the door, and found a razor blade. Red blood seeped through my shirt on my left wrist but I don’t think anyone ever found out. I still have scars and I have to make up stories whenever people ask why bandages are on my arm.
7. The second time that I had sex, the night after I cut a heart on my upper right leg so that if any guy saw me, he would see that I was a phychoslut and not fuck me not matter how drunk I was.
8. I was bullied in middle school… not physically, mentally. I was the biggest target and no one stuck up for me. I felt defeated and not good enough for anyone. I would cry myself to sleep at least once a week all 4 years.
9. My cousin got hit by a car scootering across the street while I was in 6th grade. They gave me a very hard time about that at my middle school. No one comforted me.
10. Me and my mom don’t get along at all. She has different morals and view points. She is the most lazy, unwise person I have ever met. You know that kid that always got picked up last? that was me. I often don’t consider myself someone with parents at all.
11. My friends steal from me… I’m so sure of it.
12. People use me for my money and for parties on a regular basis
13. I want a boyfriend but I’m unsure how to flirt without alcohol. I’m afraid every guy will either see me as a drunk slut, or a sober friend.
14. I hate my body. I hate bikinis. I hate that I own a pool. and I hate that everyone of my friends has perfect complexion and is size small. I am not not fat but I’m not skinny and face is not horrible but not at all crystal clear.
15. I have friends but no one that i let fully in for fear they will leave me and I will be alone again… just as I was in middle school.
16. I’m failing most my classes but I’ve been tested and I’m a genius… no one believes me. Just because I party and have bad grades doesnt mean I’m not incredibly bright. It’s in my blood.
17. I got a patent during 6th grade. Few know.
18. I often don’t feel good at anything because I do not play sports and do not put a ton of time into one specific hobby.
19. I considered trying coke for a period of time.
20. I have a hard time appreciating what I have when I see so much wrong in the world. I’m so nice to people that I wish people would have the morals I do. Maybe then I could trust again.
21. I’m a hopeless romantic who can never find love of her own.
22. I respect and love my 4 brothers more then they’ll ever know. I can’t wait to see what they become.
And the weirdest part about all this, is my just considered a popular, pretty white girl. No one sees all the damage but I wish someone would. I need someone to fix me. Or at least feel my pains