i wish i wasn’t so bitter about the ideas of love and closeness. i didn’t realize it until class today when everyone commented on the nature of the reading. i thought it was disgusting but everyone around me seems so hopeful and sappy. it doesn’t feel like he affected me so much, it just made me feel like i learned, but i guess i’m wrong.

The guy who tried to molest me as a young girl, is in jail. I like to think he deserves it after what he has done to another girl, but I feel bad for him and his family.

i wish i was dead.

On my birthday I had a one night stand with a guy. My friends had no idea I would ever do something like that. I was going through a bad time, where I didnt really care about myself and I was so drunk. That guy ended up being my boyfriend and someone I believe I will spend the rest of my life with. He saved me, from going down one of the roughest paths I was about to follow, and in a way I saved him from the same. Since the first night I was with him, I have not been with any other guy. And for the rest of my life, I dont want to either.

I wish i could stop thinking about you and the fact that you’re now with my “best friend”

Its been six months. Why cant i get over you? Because to me you were the one. You are the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

The most messed up thing is, even after everything you both put me through id probably still get back with you if you wanted me to.

Weirdly enough though, i hate you for what youve done to me.

God im so fucked up.

I am not giving up, I love you and miss you. First and more than likely only confession of the day.

i’m slowly turning into a hikikomori again. i don’t really know what i am afraid of. people, life, social criticism. i am scared to go outside by myself, i’ve realized. now that i am unemployed i have no reason to leave the house except for groceries and i can’t do it on my own. i have mood swings and daily i go from feeling great to feeling rock bottom depressed when i am alone, which is most of the time. this has been going on for over a month.

i almost left the house today, on my own. i was ready to do it, just take a walk around the neighborhood, go to the white hen, anything. i felt good about it. ten minutes later i chickened out.

sometimes i think about getting a life coach, a counselor, medication that i turned down when they diagnosed me with bipolar years and years ago. instead i stay holed up and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. it always wear off, but i suppose meds would, too.

what can i do? i think. i feel so worthless sometimes i want to die. and other times i feel so hopeful and full of ambition, like i can do anything, but i always manage to prove myself wrong.

i wish someone could help me. i don’t want to be a shut in again. i need a friend, but i don’t want to be dependent on one. i just need help.

you took advantage of me when i was fucked up and the thought of you disgusts me
what disgusts me even more is how you’re probably telling people how bad you feel that i won’t even look at you anymore and when they ask why, you’re going to make me look awful
i hate you so fucking much
i hope you feel like shit

Still to this day the one bday present you gave me is still the best one I ever got.

I post on group hug so I dont call you. I hope eventually I wont post here anymore either. You are depressed and watching you drown is miserable. I hate that you pushed me away. It is not just my pride. I genuinly care about you. I hate that you are no longer in my life. I wish in my heart that you will call me. I wake up and think of you every day. I pray with all my heart that i start to forget. This pain is too much sometimes.

You want a good guy to fall in love with you. Guys want some hot tail. That’s the game. You give and take, we give and take. It’s impossible for two people to even co-exist happily without this give and take process, let alone have a good relationship. So every time you tell me “Uh? I’m more than just a piece of ass, I’m—” I don’t even hear the rest. I’m well aware you’re not just a piece of ass, you cunt. If I thought that, I wouldn’t talk to you and try to get your consent; I’d just take you. But to give the famous line “I’m more than just a piece of ass” is pretty much the same as saying you’re not interested in even entertaining the idea of us sleeping together. And that means you’re not worth my time or any man’s time.

I’m being fair. Women like you don’t want a man, you want a slave. Someone you can command to bark, sniff, and roll over. Something you can play fetch with. It would be the same thing if I came over to your house, forced you to give me head, and left. I don’t want to be a slave and you don’t want to be my bitch. So why is it so difficult to meet me half way?

I’m so sick of this shit. So very very sick. If you’re not interested in me then don’t fucking talk to me.

Im 17 female. I weigh 120 lbs and am 5’7.
People never tell me this is a bad weight to have for my height and age
but every time I look in the mirror I see fat. Compared to 3 months ago my face is looking bigger and my legs, ugh i cant look at them.
I have a problem with binge eating because eating is the only thing I can turn to when I’m stressed/depressed.

I don’t know how to stop. It’s so hard. I can’t get fat. I won’t let that happen. There was two days in a row where I only ate 2 things. but yesterday i gave in a ate a lot. I haven’t had anything to eat today. I hope I can keep it up.

Hey. Remember me? The one that’s had feelings for you for about three years? The one that you string along month after month? You can talk to me for hours one night and then the next day act like nothing happened. Like I’m an alien or something. Why can’t I get over you? I don’t have a chance with you anyway. You’re with girls that I don’t even begin to compare with..but whatever, soon college will be over and you’ll be a distant memory(I hope)

i wonder how your test went. did you make a good grade? i hope you did. it would not have killed you to let me know you appreciated my help.

You to me, were the realization of what I lost in life. What I didn’t pursue and dreams that left behind; love that I let go. That’s why I clung to you so fervently. Without you I just exist, I fade and die out like everyone else that never followed their dreams and never pursued their passions. At least I can take this knowledge away with me.

I am not sure any more that this life is worth seeing the rest of.

I dreaded my hair recently, and I really like it, but I haven’t had the courage to wear it down to school yet, and because of that no one that I didn’t tell beforehand has really noticed my new hairstyle.
I thought about getting dreads for so long, and I’m so happy I finally did it, and I think they look great on me, but I don’t think any guys would like it, and I don’t know…
I already feel like I am in no way appealing to the opposite sex, and I guess I’m afraid that if I had dreads guys would think I was even more unattractive. Being as I have never had a boyfriend I don’t feel like I can afford to be any less attractive.
I feel like I’m eventually going to have to make the decision between keeping my dreads and finding a boyfriend, but I hope and wish I can have both.

I don’t want to be with you. You and I are different now. Please let me go. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore. I have better things to do and you’re slowing me down.

Sometimes I still miss you. Sometimes I still wish I had thought about everything more back then. Sometimes all I want is to go back and for things to turn out better. Sometimes I still want to see you again, but I know that if I did there would be nothing good about it, because then I’d only see how far you’ve come since then, and you’d only see how far I’ve fallen.
I have convinced myself that I’ve fallen in love too many times, and don’t know that I ever really have, but until I learn better, I’ll always remember you as my first love.

I guess I will never know and because of that I will always hurt.